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Bad Day… and grateful for you

So, the guy I'm dating got upset with me yesterday. I had a rough morning (read my previous blog), and work was work. Don’t get me wrong, work is so much better now that my new boss (also my new best friend) is there, and the atmosphere has changed with our new OIC, but it's still work, lol. I admit that I was being a little bit of a sh!t to him, but it wasn’t just to him; it was to pretty much everyone. My boss understood she read my blog that morning, so she decided just to be a sh!t back to me until I got that first phone call from my battalion commander, then a call from my sergeant major. It also didn’t help that we had to be out in the motor pool yesterday morning when it was hot as balls; even at 9:00 a.m., it was ridiculously hot. Quick Side Story: I have a vendetta against some Soldier I have never met, simply because I moved Her out of an NCO position because she was not an NCO, nor was she even on the promotion list. She was essentially blocking someone else from being promoted. So, this Soldier went to her commander and first sergeant to complain, taking it to our battalion commander and sergeant major (insert eye roll). Now, everyone who knows me knows that I don’t just do sh!t without a reason and don't do anything illegal, unethical, or immoral. But this Soldier's command team already does not like me because I called their first sergeant out for wearing his first sergeant rank without being properly promoted or even on that company's books. I didn’t even openly call him out; I went to my battalion executive officer and sergeant major about it, and they talked with that commander and first sergeant. I could have been a huge b!tch and called them out openly, but I was being completely professional about it, but that set the tone for their view of me. That I could care less about, but it's essential to know that they do not like me and have actually been vocal about it to their unit full-time staff, who tell me. So, after the call with my battalion commander, my mood went even more sour. This commander told my battalion commander that he did not authorize me to move anyone, and he therefore wanted something done about it because that was a good Soldier, and she deserved to be promoted. I explained in detail to the battalion commander why I moved her, and he said, "That makes complete sense. I'll give him a callback and explain it to him." Then he thanked me, and we hung up. I thought it was done, nope. After going to the motor pool, doing what we do, and taking our truck for a test drive, I called my sergeant major back, who called while I couldn’t answer, and it was once again about that Soldier, and it soured my mood even more. So, the sergeant major talked to the Soldier last night, and she tried to tell him that I had a vendetta against her because I moved her, then admitted that we had never met, and she had no idea who I was. Sergeant Major said he explained the process to her, and she also admitted to him that she was not on the promotion list, and he told her that she couldn't be selected for promotion without being on the promotion list. Then she switched too, "Well then, Staff Sergeant Schafer must have done something to keep me off the list because I turned everything in." Luckily, I kept EVERYTHING, and I provided the sergeant major with screenshots and everything I had proving that she DID NOT TURN ANYTHING IN SO THAT SHE COULD BE ON THIS FISCAL YEAR'S PROMOTION LIST. I even gave him the screenshot of our tracker to show that she bypassed the company and battalion and went straight to the brigade to do a stand-by board request, which was DENIED because it was after the suspense date for the last board. Like, I know my job as a human resources officer is mostly about customer service, but I cannot stand these Soldiers! Moving on from that f*ckery. I decided to do PT at lunch instead of going out to eat, as I wanted to burn off some of the mad. I was texting my guy telling him that, and he was being supportive and a motivator (he's so great :)), but it wasn’t working. I did 17 miles on the bike at resistance level seven in 40 minutes, did upper body weight training, and worked on my plank time, and it didn’t do a damn thing to get rid of the mad. It also didn’t help that my son's counselor emailed me back while I was on the bike, nor did it help that I decided to read it right then and there. I'm glad he did. I asked him for help on what to do, and the gist was, "You need to be stronger and force the consequences and not back down." Which, yeah, okay, I know that. I am working on being stronger and trying, but it's hard. Years of being beaten down and my son going through what he is going through and his outbursts, it's f*cking hard. I know I can't always choose peace over his consequences, but I am tired. His email does help me to know what else I need to work on for myself to be stronger, so I'll forward it to my counselor so we can start working on it. I'm texting him all this and venting, but still being a bit of a sh!t, and he texts me all big, "STOP IT!"(this is when I presumed, he was upset with me, although he claims he was not) Then he says, "Here is what you are going to do, whether you like it or not!" "1. You will get your sh!t together. 2. You will find a way/reason/thing to help you stop thinking about problems. Church, run, walk, dogs, cry, boxing… something. 3. Stop telling yourself, "This is not helping," because it's not going to help. 4. Find a hobby to keep your mind busy. 5. YOU ARE SEXY! BEAUTIFUL AND SMART! So, sit down and write a letter to yourself about your bad feelings, then burn it and move on. 6. Write yourself a letter about your dreams and why you are here. Send it to yourself via email and read it over and over." I appreciate so much how straightforward he is with me. It helps and snaps me out of my moods most of the time. He won't let me apologize unless I did something wrong, but he is helping me break that trauma response of constantly apologizing for everything. These past few weeks, he has helped me more than I think he knows or realizes. Whatever force brought us together and connected us, I am so incredibly grateful for. Even if this is temporary, I am grateful for it.

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