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Monday...

Today, well, sucked. It's a Monday and for the life of me I didn't want to get up and go to work. This picture makes me chuckle a bit. I chose it because initially I was hoping to force myself to change my mindset and just have an enjoyable Monday. It wasn't bad, per say, but it wasn't great either. Work is work, and although I do find joy in my work, and especially the people I work with, my heart wasn't in it today. I've been like that a lot lately, come to think of it. My heart seems to be all over the place, here with my kids and close friend, with my family back home, with my love. With my love... it's that one that stings. We've forgotten how to talk to each other, how to lean on each other, I don't like it, at all. We never used to be that way, a lot, too much in fact, has happened to the both of us the past few years and its weighing on us. Where we should find strength in each other, we are not. Instead, we seem to be making each other worse, or making things more difficult is a better way to put it. Our love is strong, I have no doubt about that, in fact, that's the one thing neither of us ever doubted in the other and that says something, the deep trust we have for each other. At the same time, I feel like that deep trust is making it harder.


Although the trust is there, and the love, the communication lacks from both sides. Maybe that is from the years of pain we both have been through, and the feeling of disappointment of not being there enough, or when we were needed. It's definitely a shared pain, and I refuse to blame him, because that is not fair, especially when I know I am at fault as well. That is growth, I think, knowing that you are at fault, accepting that you are, and doing and being better. My heart both beats for and breaks for him, and just as I wish to take away the pain from my own children, I wish to do it for him as well.


Love is supposed to bring joy, and heartache, and I think the heartache is what causes so many to give up on love. We focus so much on the joy and happiness, that we forget the sorrow comes with it. To completely love another is to love them in both the good and bad times. I think, well, I believe that also shows you what kind of person someone is. We tend to gravitate to those who are always there for us in the good times, that we are quick to forgive when they are not there for us in the bad times. When someone gives you their all, through both the good and the bad, and brings out the best in you, that is a true friend, a true love, a true soul.


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