What is time? What does time mean? When do you know when it's time or when it's not? I am not talking about an event with a specific time, but more time for and to yourself. The saying goes, "time heals all wounds," but does it? When you think about it, does time our wounds? Especially when it comes to losing someone. Your heart is never really whole again, so does that mean time doesn’t really heal? What about time to find ourselves? Is that even really a thing? If you take time for yourself, how do you know when that time is up? Or, when it’s the right time?
Back in May, not long after I started this blog journey of mine, I got the bright idea to go back to school. My significant other (SO) said I should wait until he could be more involved and helpful, and that now wasn't the right time. It just wasn't the right time for him because I had "poor time management" (insert eye roll), and to be honest, it hasn’t been for the past 10 years, BUT it wasn’t about him or what was right for him, it was about what was right for me. If I am being 100% honest, I haven't put myself first in so long, longer than I can honestly remember, and it hurt that he would ask that of me. So, after many nights of weighing the pros and cons, and yes, I did take him into consideration, I enrolled into an HR Professional certificate program at American Military University, it is 18 credits (6 classes) and if I took 2 at a time, I could finish this year. I started classes on July 4th, and I did it for ME. He was upset, and again, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure exactly why he was upset, it wasn’t affecting him at all, in any way shape, or form. I was still doing everything by myself, but I will admit, once classes started, and football season started (roughly at the same time), I started to seriously believe him and started doubting myself.
So, I stepped back from my blog, something that gave (and continues still) me great joy and a sense of purpose so that I could focus on school. There was a part of me that was hoping I could still blog and write while doing schoolwork, but that was not to be the case. Having two very active kids and being a single parent, coupled with it being hurricane season and work being so demanding, I started to struggle. My kids have been absolutely wonderful and understanding, and supportive. Then I found a rhythm. I got up with my son, like up and out of bed, and spent about an hour doing schoolwork at 5:00 am until it was time to get my daughter up and ready for school. Then I would do schoolwork during lunch at work (most of the time) and only do a little bit in the evenings if I needed to. I was actually able to spend more time with my kids this way, it worked really well. It also helped me not have to stay up super late or pull all-nighters. And so far, with 4 classes done, and my last 2 starting today, I have a 4.0 GPA that I somehow have been able to maintain.
I am proud of myself, it certainly hasn't been easy, and I did struggle to keep my motivation up, there were several times when I wanted to quit and just give up, but I somehow managed to find what I needed to continue on. Even now with the end in sight, those thoughts and feelings are still creeping up, "was this really the right time to do this?" "What was I thinking trying to go back to school as a single parent." I want my kids to see and know that no matter what, no matter how many times you feel like giving up, as long as you keep going, you can accomplish anything.